Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Down and Out but still raging

This afternoon I’ve been reacquainting myself with one of my favourite nooks of the blogosphere. ‘Down and Out in Lenzie and Lossiemouth’ is Hernandez’ blog and reading back through some of the posts, I realise that it contains some tremendous lines. Here are some of them.

Hernandez on the Brits:

“I realise that this is the entertainment industry and those taking part are not expected to conduct themselves like respectable politicians, but the lack of respect shown to the viewer disgusted me. One award giver literally stumbled on stage, clumsily grabbing the microphone and attempted to describe the nominees. He failed miserably, missed his cue and simply growled "ahhnnd the winner is...." The abhorrent Winehouse herself, obviously ravaged by self pity, could barely stand and her singing was mumbled and incomprehensible.”


Hernandez on Catriona Ruane:

“Only in Northern Ireland could a woman like Catriona Ruane (or Katrina Rooney to give her her proper name) hold the title of Minister of Education.”


Hernandez on Mohammed Al Fayed:

“Why do we constantly have to be subjected to this utter moron? ….He is clearly bonkers. I would even say he is mentally ill. ………How dare he come over to our country, bully the authorities into issuing him with a British passport on account of his wealth, bugger off to Switzerland whenever his tax bill gets too much and then farcically accuse our Monarch of conspiracy to murder. What a wanker!”



On ‘The One Show’
:

“Fair play to them for pulling in the big names when it really matters. Makes my weekday evening housework all the more enjoyable.”


On the Olympics:


“I for one will not be watching a single minute of the Games and hope it is a disaster, and that is nothing to do with the fact that half the athletes will undoubtedly be drugged up to the eyeballs.”


“It appears an apology is due from me to the Prime Minister”


Hernandez on potatoes:

“Potatoes are one of Mother Earth's most versatile edible gifts. I love few things more than a nice big steaming, creamy pile of mash. The beauty of mashed potato is that making it is easy, fun and flexible.”


Hernandez on drinking in Carlisle:

“Did I mention the barman is a wife beater and apparently a high ranking member of the BNP?”


Hernandez on Nick Faldo:

“Faldo is an idiot. Great golfer, but an idiot.”


Hernandez on John Motson:

“The way he described Joe Cole's opening goal was unnerving, faintly orgasmic and frankly embarrasing.”

8 comments:

Gael gan Náire said...

No matter what ones impression of Caitríona Ruane's ability or lack of them surely we could all respect the name that an individuals calls themselves and that their parents called them.

Frankly for unionists to tell other people what their 'proper name' is smacks of racism.

It implies some sort of ownership over another which I find disgusting.

Surely if unionists wish to 'sell' the union to nationalists then good starting point is to say, what is your name? ... ok I accept that rather that ok, now this is your proper name.

Chekov said...

I took it as a joke. Are you sure that Ruane's parents called her that?

Gael gan Náire said...

I cannot be sure without getting her birth cert. but I find it highly unlikely that people in West Mayo forty something years ago called their kid Katrina, which looks distinctly American.

The surname Rooney has no connection whatsoever to Ruane BTW.

And BTW I always tackle nationalists politicians who call Iain Junior Iain Óg.

I should point out that Gaelic Radio and TV in Scotland always give unionist politicans names in Gaelic when they are of Gaelic origin.

That never happens in Ireland.

Chekov said...

I didn't claim she was named Kristina (which would actually be Slav in origin). I wouldn't be at all surprised if her birth certificate said Catherine mind you. Anyway it's irrelevant because Hernandez was indulging in a tongue in cheek rant.

Hernandez said...

Gayle, I think you are taking my post too seriously.

Dec said...

Hernandez

Wow! You're so funny - you made the same joke twice and it was equally hilarious the second time round. I love your hip, stream of consciousness stylee "Fayed = wanker (& foreign) - faldo = idiot - athletes take drugs, dontyaknow - screw you, Headmaster" - keep it coming! Let's just hope we can keep up!

O'Neill said...

"Fayed = wanker (& foreign)

Do we not all agree he's a wanker?
And he wasn't born in the Uk, so technically he is (from us British Citizens' pov) a foreigner- but I don't think his nationality was actually mentioned in Hernandez's original post?

Anyway, enough of all that nonsense, who won the Battle of Britain tonight? I make that a comfortable Utd stroll over the two legs.

Hernandez said...

dec

And I love your sarcasm - the highest form of wit.