Apologies for the unforgiveably contrived headline, but my critical faculties are being grievously addled by the endless, labyrinthine transfer saga which promises to (eventually) bring Fernando Torres to Anfield.
Even as a keen red, I have becoming increasingly fed up with reading this story. I can only imagine what the neutral makes of it.
Whether Liverpool have or haven't even negotiated with Athletico Madrid as yet seems to be a matter of some dabate. Every figure under the sun has been raised, dismissed, halved, doubled and written into any number of notional contractual arrangements. At one point or another Peter Crouch, Djibrille Cisse (man that would have been killing two birds with one stone) and Luis Garcia have been going the other way as makeweights in this deal of deals. Meanwhile the frailities in the rest of the Liverpool squad seem to have been forgotten and progress on buying wingers or central defenders is non-existant.
Latest reports give an agreed price of a hair less than £27 million, describe the Garcia deal as independent of the Torres transfer but still central to its completion and suggest that only the loose ends need tied up.
Forgive me, but I'll not be holding my breath and if a story pops up tomorrow, sourced from Athletico's chairman, suggesting that Liverpool haven't even made an approach for the player, I for one will not be choking on my tapas in surprise.